Here is downtown’s official press release regarding the ‘Hipster Question’: We loathe hipsters. We mock hipsters. We are livid when hipsters overrun our favorite haunts and claim our territories, antagonizing us with their a-symetrical hairstyles, man-liner, home-made underground band t-shirts, and regurgitated Chuck Klosterman.
And nothing is more gay annoying than the twenty-something poser emo-punk who has bi-weekly raids on Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, and Aardvarks on Melrose to acquire slightly differing versions of the necessary uniform: skinny jeans, tight fitted t-shirt, track jacket, artfully arranged neck scarf, optional fedora or beanie worn on the top of the hairline, copy-cat Karen O haircuts, and let’s not forget, the most fucking RETARDED hipster accessory sweeping the market right now: bad, fake 80’s style eye-glasses with either cloudy plastic fake lenses, or fuck, no lens at all! Seriously, what the fuck are you doing, you fucking fucks?
And can we address the “skinny pants that sit too low”; Fucking stop. No, seriously, I’m not kidding. Guys: not one ounce of masculinity lies in seeing every stringy muscle in your chicken legs. Girls: not one ounce of femininity lies in seeing your muffin top. Also, plumber’s-crack is gross on plumbers AND on hipster girls. So, now that you know, get fucking pants that fit normally. You can still have them fatigued and ripped and pretend to be anti-mainstream, yet still pay $250 for a “non-label“.... but just make them flatter you.
Hipsters all seem to ascribe to the same fashion icon and quite frankly they should burn him in effigy. While they’re at, I hope they'll burn all their "Dashboard Confessional" albums (on vinyl as only hipsters are cool enough to obtain), because I think that dude singer contributed largely to this issue.
Why am I hating on hipsters? One, because it’s fun. Two, because I'm starting to wrinkle and their baby skin disgusts me. And three, because we are assumed to be or get called hipsters by the denizens of other parts of Los Angeles, just by living downtown. REALLY?!! Dude, I don't have the time to put that much thought into where I live, I just know how to pick what I like. Last time I checked I wasn't wearing a scarf in 90 degree weather.
We moved downtown because the rest of Los Angeles is slightly depressing. Flat, dismal stretches of strip-malls... neon... dead palm trees and 100’s billboards. We moved here because a part of our hearts (a large chunk, actually) still belongs to Chicago and other East Coast architecturally beautiful cities. We wanted to feel like we lived in a REAL city where we know our neighbors, have a regular coffee shop, bars that aren’t packed with these people, and beautiful buildings and edifices. The idea that we might be able to create a home somewhere that could feel like home is an otherwise lost idea when thinking of Los Angeles.
We love our loft. The brick is older than our grandparents; the view is of other high-rises. It's exhilarating ... more creatively stimulating than a carbon copy box apartment. The idea that artists of all types and levels of expertise can contribute to the artwalk is lovely. The sense of community down here is astounding in a city often chided for being so big and so vast that people remain isolated. The blend of cultures right outside our building is incredible. We are within walking distance of Little Tokyo, Chinatown, Olivarius Street, the financial block, Pershing Square, L.A. Live, Disney Concert Hall, the MOCA, and also have immediate multi-freeway access. It takes 16 minutes to get to Santa Monica. 19 minutes to The Grove. 23 minutes to Pasadena. 12 to Burbank. 29 to LAX. 36 to Hermosa Pier...
This first year downtown has made me proud to be an Angeleno. Who the fuck would want to say that otherwise?
But back to the issue of hipsters. I work in Hollywood and happily make the drive in exchange for living in this area. Recently, a co-worker asked where I live this past week and I was not prepared for his response when I answered "Downtown." He rolled his eyes. He shook his head. And he let forth a litany about how bad downtown is, how worthless--and how I needed to stop trying to be such a HIPSTER and edgy by claiming to be a passionate resident of the area. I think his exact words were "Stop being a stupid damn hipster and move already out of that shit-hole." I lost my temper. I NEVER LOSE MY TEMPER. It was quite startling for even me. I still haven't actually figured out if it was the calling me a hipster that did it, or the bagging on downtown Los Angeles. I resent the idea that downtown should be given up upon ... and I really resent the notion that those of us that want to invest in it and commit to supporting it are nothing but self-congratulating hipsters. Ew. Not cool.
I'm proud to live here. Proud to be a part of the first wave. We can't wait to see the area get better and better. But we aren't cool kids wanting to come off artsy and underground. We are two fully grown nerds who like comic books, sci-fi movies, buying sweaters for our dogs, and shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond. We aren't rich enough to be called yuppies yet, so don't even try. Just promise me you won't call us "Hipsters."
Now excuse me while I go put up my newest Shepard Fairey poster and listen to "Blonde Redhead."
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